So I was wondering what kept me from blogging all this time. “Busy” seems a too simple answer, as I am always busy and post don’t take me too long to write and I could have easily made time to. Maybe it is a deep rooted issue? It took me so long to analyze and as I looked back I noticed a change in style and content. Maybe the reason could be related to conforming to certain standards. Then I thought that I don’t have to adhere to any style. This blog is mine and could be as random as I want it to be. As organic and free as my thoughts are formed and reformed to reflect certain experiences and new understanding.

It will be interesting to study blogging as a certain experience and way of expression. There are certain commonalities and similar experiences that bloggers might go through that would only fully understood by fellow bloggers. The effects and affects of social media and internet on our life has been a recent fascination. I remember life before the wide use of the internet. Heck, even life before large use of mobiles (do not attempt to calculate my age I am not too old just have a super memory

So I am happy to be back and blogging, hoping this is a return, though I will not feel guilty for disappearing for a while. As all bloggers must feel it is always good to be back to the blogosphere

It happens so often that we find a lull in our creative storm where things sit quietly and does not progress further. Awaiting for that glorious sparkle of excitement to ignite it.

I was pondering over the current situation where I have so many posts ideas scribbled on various places. Even within my university notes I have post headings written on the margins. Yet, I have hardly written a small number of posts.

Time was never a primary constrain in my book when it comes to blogging at least. I can post anything within 15 minutes, as my post tend to be a brief of elaborated thoughts  and I have many post thought out and waiting to materialize onto my laptop screen.

So, what was it that held me back. Is it the mood after I recently heard bad news?

Maybe my brain is congested with thoughts? As it usual is, when I try to solve all the problems of the world at once.

I recently opened a twitter account that still needs to be added to my blog. So while pondering I searched for some writing websites or blogs to follow, believing that I should get some inspiration or advice and open of the usernames I found was enough to knock some sense back into me.

It was just “Shut up and write”, which can take you out of the moaning phase into an action phase. This is an attitude I have to constantly remind myself of in other areas of my life. Just doing something is easier instantaneously than the process of thinking and moaning about it which seems to do more in enlarging and complicating the task than simplifying it.

I wonder how many times I will need to be reminded o this but or now it is action time

I was watching my brother play a game in which he had to call out the colour of the word such as the one above as fast as he can. The challenge is that you override the impulse to call out the word. So it turns out that reading is faster than making sense of the colour which seems like the obvious thing. I was wondering how that works?

The longer reaction time that takes place in order for people to call out the correct colour is known as the Stroop effect. Apparently it is used to assess mental abilities such as  to measure selective attention, cognitive flexibility and processing speed. The reading process is automated while making sense of the colour requires more thinking and this requires some attention to override the automatic process. So if a person does can not read then he/she will do better by calling out the correct colour faster and a fast reader will need more time to forget about the righting and focus on the simplicity of colour.  A fine example when your education gets in the way and makes you miss the obvious

I often wonderwhat is it in the bloggers personality that triggers A) the guilt of missed posts and B) having to apologize for the absence. Is it the feel of commitment, the obligation? As if you are engaged in an open conversation and need to apologize for the silence?

Often as time elapses the style of writing changes as well to reflect new experiences. With a gradual transition it is hardly noticeable but when a period of almost two months separates post then it becomes more obvious. Nevertheless, it is always pleasant to write and free some congested thoughts that lay dormant in the back of my mind. Perhaps one too many or many a few but it is something I have to do

For now all I can say is, it is good to be blogging again

& I wonder why people announce a come back,

I end up doing the same

I get easily distracted and wonder off in thought at the slightest glance. My head has been pounding with ideas each time I walk around London.  Yet on days that I forget my glasses at home I get limited thought stimuli from the different ads or shop windows that I cannot see clearly. I end up residing with my existing thoughts for the journey. I wonder if sometimes compromised vision could count as a blessing. Definitely when it could cause you distraction of some important thoughts or could even prevent you from shopping for few cute things that you don’t need but happened to spot on the way

My Aunt asked me about my experience in the NBK walkathon. She said I forgot to post something about it. I said I loved it and that I will post about it.

The day was long and I had only decided to sign up the day before the race. I was another face in the crowd but it was a nice challenge and it also was a way for me to overcome something. You see, I found out my uncle was dying of cancer and that it was inevitable and just a matter of time when he would leave us. We all hoped for a miracle but he kept getting worse. He also was accepting the idea of death as he did not wish to suffer longer.

It is hard to watch someone dye and not be able to do anything about it. I was still thinking that maybe being with scientists that I could tap into a research that would have that trial miracle drug that would save him. I did not know how I should behave. What I should offer. It seemed too early to cry yet I wanted to. I was full of hopeless frustrations.

And so I was walking while thinking about my uncle. My thoughts were in resonance between the two.

- I was walking and thinking that I simply don’t want him to dye.

I was walking and thinking that maybe I should have prepared for the race.

- Why him now, he is not ready.

Why did I join now, I am not ready.

- Maybe if he can be more positive he will be cured.

Maybe if I trained I would be better at the lead.

At the end of the line a situation that I could not improve and one that I could have seemed to parallel and stop at a similar point in time. What has happened and what was done is already in the past which suddenly lead to a moment of acceptance and another line of thoughts went through my mind. It is not about who finishes first or when the line end. Not about how ready you are  to accept or join a situation.

It is more about how you carry yourself with integrity. How you do not cheat and still keep a smile. I was reflecting on his life, ethics, code of conduct, and the love that he always showed us and thought if life was a walkathon I would give my uncle many medals for the many things he has achieved. The many smiles he caused. So the race is not about living longer. It is about the quality of that life and how you lived it. We can look back at something with regret or in celebration of a lesson to learn.

My uncle died yesterday. We were blessed for a while for having him amongst us and he will forever be remembered for the great soul that he is, a person who had an impact on so many. A face that you would notice in a crowd. Someone so hard to forget. May you rest in peace dear uncle.

This is a multi vitamin drink that I first came across in Kuwait many many years ago (not trying to hide my age but I really don’t remember when and it would be at least 7 years ago). I occasionally drink it to replenish my vitamin supply and it reminds me some what of red bull except that you don’t get to be hyper after but I really love that drink. It is more of a feel good drink than something you would combine with food. I tried looking for it in Kuwait but did not find it. Any idea?

Whenever I go on my way to university I tend to default to my auto pilot mode. I have been going to the same place for a long while via the same route. The minute I leave the building to walk to the station I start day dreaming rather and let my brain automatically navigate me to my destination. And so, upon a slight road or train disruption I sometimes get confused in trying to figure out where I am. It is o subconscious at points that I have to wait and think which station I am in and traveling to which direction. I feel that I would have suddenly woken up from my day dream to think about the route. One particular funny moment comes to mind, back four years ago I was writing a poem on the underground and in trying to avoid the crowd I took a detour and then returned to navigation mode only to find myself traveling back after I was done writing my poem Nevertheless, this ability to go on auto pilot is amazing I often wonder about the scope of this ability.

While I was sitting with a friend in the Georgian Restaurant at Harrods yesterday a group of people gathered with reporters and there was a briefing about the fact that Harrods go sold. Not sure how this would change things but it is a new age for Harrods